Have you been devastated by a betrayal by a family member, partner, spouse, business associate, colleague or friend? This has happened to everyone at least once. It is part of the growth experience. If it happens repeatedly, then perhaps this toxic pattern is ready to be healed.
First of all, look at your family. Consider whether being a victim of betrayal is a learned belief pattern inherited from your parents or ancestors. Was one of your parents a cheater? Was a pattern of heartbreak and infidelity accepted in their marriage or the cause of a break-up? Has divorce been an inevitable outcome of marriage in relationships in your family story? Does it generate fear or suspicion in your relationships? The lack of trust produces a poisonous atmosphere to grow a loving, long-lasting relationship if one is always expecting betrayal from one’s partner.
This may also be true in business or career associations. A client came to me with a history of family bankruptcies based on embezzlements, partners selling business secrets, and running off with clients. Clearly, the business ancestors had difficult times choosing the right partner to trust.
Or take a more common issue; difficult people wherever you work. Many people bounce from job to job, never settling in because they encounter bullies, competitors who undermine their work, take credit for their ideas, or overturn their effort to move ahead. This creates a worker who feels threatened and distrustful wherever they go.
Sound familiar? If so, now is the time to take control of your destiny. You no longer have to be at the mercy of the predators in your families, work and lives.
The pattern begins with the belief that we are not worthy of being loved and treated with respect. When loved ones such as parents, submit to infidelity, cheating partners, work bullying and victimization without protest, they adopt a belief system that tells us they are not worthy of respect and integrity. They fail to stand up for themselves. Then we believe, we are unworthy and helpless.
Submission to unfair treatment is an agreement to be a victim. We learn to be victims. These wounds may be deeply rooted in the past for many of us. Our ancestors have come from cultures and backgrounds where slavery and servitude were a way of life. Punishment for disagreeing with the powers-that-be resulted in pain and potentially death. Genocide has been rampant for centuries across the world. Sometime, submission was the only way to survive.
However, now is the time for these wounds to be transformed. Blame and punishment are not the answer. No one wants their children and future generations to continue to be victims. Healing the age-old wounds is the solution.
Here are 5 tips to break free of betrayal:
1. If you are in an abusive situation—leave. Get help from family, friends, neighbors and social services to leave the circumstances. Domestic abuse only escalates unless the parties learn to change the patterns underlying the abuse. If friends are verbally or emotionally abusive, stop seeing them. If they don’t love or respect you, love yourself enough to separate from the abuse. Counseling can help you recognize and change your behavior. You cannot change their actions without taking responsibility for your own first.
2. If you suspect your business associate, partner or affiliate is not being honest, take action. Request an audit from an outside source. Hire a consultant to review practices and procedures. Get training to learn how to spot troublesome areas and protect yourself, trade secrets, copyrights and trademarks.
3. Learn social skills to avoid being a victim at work, school, and at home. Taking classes on self-assertion, anger management, good communication, how to deal with difficult people, self-awareness, and discrimination awareness, can help ease work tension and create positive environments. Transform your victim mentality to one of self-assurance and confidence.
4. Meditate and exercise. These practices ease stress and anxiety. They give you time to find your true inner self and get in touch with your feelings. They promote creativity and positive feelings.
5. If these patterns are deeply rooted in the past, I recommend clearing your ancestral heritage. When family patterns are carried through many generations, our ancestors want and need to help us remove the burdens continuing the patterns of betrayal.
Betrayal is not a necessary part of life. Freedom to trust fully and completely is our destiny and right. We can choose to be with people who value and respect us. Love is our birthright as a Divine Child of the Universe.
Blessings for a Health, Happiness, Prosperity, and Love,